TAKE HER NEVER FOR GRANTED

Not merely to say you love her

Not merely to attract and woo her
Not merely to use her as a statistic
She will have time to check you out
Better be sure what you’re going into.

Relationships get established
Relationships get sustained
Relationships get broken down
Relationships are investments
It is largely about her.

Relationships start with smiles
People overlook several things
All shortcomings get overlooked
The duo just explore each other
The phones keep ringing
The messages are ceaseless
Dreams are laced about each other…

Time and tide act on relationships
The guy gets what he is looking for
She is no longer his priority
She no longer receives messages
There are excuses for not calling
There are excuses for everything
And she is taken for granted!

Taken for granted means
The guy comes for her when he is ready
The guy comes to her when all else fails
The guy cares not for her emotions
The guy now treats her as an option
Then you find what a lady is made of….

She can sting like a bee
She can suck more blood than mosquito
She will deal a deadly blow on the guy
Yes, the cost of taking her for a ride
The cost of taking her for granted
Many a guy never lived to tell their tales!

CONTROL

• Life is about controls
• U must control ur anger
• Control what u say
• control what u eat
• control what u hear
• control where u go.
• u must control ur feelings
• u must control ur indulgence.
• Let not what u hate destroy u
• let not what u love destroy u
• Let not what u think destroy u
• let not what u eat destroy u.

Negative Thinking -The Devil You Know

Negative thinking can become a habit of mind, picked up from others. Or it can be little more than a failure of courage; because sometimes it actually takes guts to remain positive through setbacks. (Not that I considered winning money a 'setback'.)

I looked at him, thinking; he looked at me, wondering what I was looking at. Actually, I suppose negative thinking seems to have its advantages.

Thinking 'the worst', expecting failure and betrayal, seeing downsides where others don't, even seeing positives as negatives - all convey a kind of insurance policy. "If I expect the worst, then I won't be disappointed when it happens."

Another 'advantage' to negative thinking is the 'I told you so' syndrome. For some, it can feel more important to be proved right in their negative predictions than to have good things happen (and therefore be proved 'wrong').

Before I get too positive about negativity, here's a thought: The habit of thinking negatively doesn't just predict how likely someone is to become depressed, but also predicts how likely they are to suffer all kinds of other illnesses later on in life as well. (1) I'm not suggesting that negative thoughts alone produce illness, but they don't help.

We're going to look at what you can do to stop negative thinking. But first, let's examine a common fundamental mistake the pessimism-prone tend to make.

The 'more realistic' proclamation is a favourite of cynics everywhere. And in a way they are right. But only because thinking negatively causes us not to try - or if we do try, to give up sooner - so the negativity itself influences results. Self-fulfilling prophecies really do happen. Research has even found that what we believe about our health can have more bearing on how long we live than our actual health. (2) So, negative thoughts can plague us even when things seem to be going well: "It's too good to last!" My first tip has to do with how negative thinking distorts perception.

Stop thinking in extremes

Most of life isn't black or white, completely this or that, all or nothing. But negative thinking tends to view bad stuff in the extreme. For example:

• Rather than not doing as well as I'd like on my test, I'm going to "fail completely!"
• Instead of my business venture taking a while to get going, it's going to "crash and burn, leaving me ruined!"
• Rather than just feeling a few nerves during my speech, I'm going to "die out there; they're all going to hate me!"

All or nothing thinking misses out the subtle shades in life. It makes us see the future in terms of dramatic disasters, failures, and catastrophes. Sure, disasters occasionally happen, but - contrary to the shrill pronouncements from newsstands - most of life consists of shades of grey.

The first step to overcoming negative thinking isn't to 'just be positive' all of a sudden, but to look for shades of grey. Say you've been worrying about a relationship. Rather than thinking: "It's going to be a disaster, I just know it is" or even "It's going to be perfect!", how about: "I expect there will be great bits, good bits, and not so good bits, like any relationship."

Write down what you have been thinking negatively about. Write the extreme negative statement that comes to mind. Now write three 'middle of the road' possibilities - not so exciting (or terrifying), but a more realistic take on what is actually more likely to happen. Giving your brain more options will reduce emotionality and allow you to think more clearly.

Stop over-generalizing the negative

Ask yourself: "If something bad happens, do I over-generalize it? Do I view it as applying to everything and being permanent rather than containing it to one place and time?"

For example, if someone turns you down for a date, do you spread the negativity beyond that person, time, and place by telling yourself: "Nothing ever works out for me!"? If you fail a test do you say to yourself, "Well, I failed that test; I'm not happy about it, but I'll try harder next time."? Or do you over-generalize it by telling yourself you're "stupid" or "can't learn anything!"?

And while we're on the subject...

Don't minimize the positive

Negative thinking stops people seeing the positive when it does happen. It's as if there's a screen filtering out positives and just letting in stuff that confirms the 'negative bias'. Magnifying setbacks and minimizing successes leads to de-motivation and misery.

Get into the habit of seeing setbacks as temporary and specific rather than as permanent and pervasive. We all tend to find what we look for. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about a person, for instance, get into the habit of balancing it out with one positive thought about them: "He's so insincere... Mind you, to be fair, he was helpful with that project...and he can be very funny..." The positive is there but you have to look for it.

Stop mindreading

Thinking negatively stops us relaxing with uncertainty. This can lead to 'mindreading'. "She hasn't texted me back; she doesn't like me!" or "He only said that to make me feel better, he doesn't really think that!"

Having to assign a meaning to something before you have real evidence makes you more likely to believe what you imagine without question. Holding off assigning (made up) meaning to an ambiguous situation is a key part of overcoming negative thinking.

When you become more positive (or just more comfortably neutral), you'll be doing more of: "I don't know why she hasn't texted me back yet..." You'll also be able to consider all possible reasons you can think of, not just the negative ones.

Here are a few to help you out:

• She's forgotten her phone.
• The phone's battery is dead.
• She's run out of phone credits.
• She's in a lecture.
• She's on a plane.
• She's out of range.

You get the drift. None of these are attributable to you and your likeability and all are as plausible as any other explanation.

Stop taking all the responsibility

If I put it down to 'other people' or 'luck' when something is good or successful and don't take any credit myself (even if the success was largely down to me), then I am externalizing the positive. Or I might externalize the quality of goodness from my friend when he does something kind by telling myself: "He only did that to win favours!" If you (or someone else) do something good or well, just accept it.

Negative thinkers also tend to do the opposite. They will internalize - that is, blame themselves - for all kinds of negatives that have little or nothing at all to do with them. Look at how much control and influence you really have over things that you tend to think negatively about.

Stop forcing your own rules on life

• "If he loved me, he wouldn't do that."
• "If I was a good mother, I wouldn't lose my temper."
• "People shouldn't act like that."
• "If I can't do this, then I must be really stupid!"
• "He was late - he must be seeing someone else!"
• "Saying that means he doesn't respect me!"
• "My medical tests haven't come back and that means it's bad news!"

Sometimes known as 'must-erbation', making up tight rules as to how reality must or should be is a sure-fire way of feeling let down by yourself and others.

This isn't to say that we shouldn't expect anything from ourselves and others, but rather that the rules need not be unreasonably inflexible.

If you feel disappointed or let down, then you must have been expecting something else. Examine what it was and ask yourself: "Was my expectation too narrow?"

Stop making stuff up and believing it

Imagination is a wonderful thing, but not if you use it to scare yourself. Sometimes we need to be able to 'suspend the functioning of the imagination' (to quote Ernest Hemingway, no less). Looking at an upcoming event in your mind and negatively hypnotizing yourself by vividly imagining the worst is like using a hammer to paint a picture. Your imagination is there as a tool to be used constructively.By practicing imagining things going well, making it more likely, you'll be calmer in the situation and it will be a much better use of your time.

If you'd like a flavour of this exercise, then click the free (yes, there really are no hidden extras) audio link below.

If you still have wildly negative thoughts, then at least 'dilute' them by imagining a positive outcome as well as the negative one. If you imagine forgetting what to say in an upcoming presentation, immediately disregard that and instead imagine it going well.

Stopping negative thinking takes time and effort, and to an extent it's a job that's never done. Practicing using these seven tips will serve you well for the rest of your life – isn't it worth spending a little time with them now?

Negative thoughts drain you of energy and keep you from being in the present moment. The more you give in to your negative thoughts, the stronger they become. I like the imagery of a small ball rolling along the ground, and as it rolls, it becomes bigger and faster.

Surround yourself with positive people.

I called a friend who I knew could give me constructive, yet loving feedback. When you’re stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking.

Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive.

For example, instead of thinking, “We are going to have a hard time adjusting to our living situation,” think, “We will face some challenges in our living situation, but we will come up with solutions that we will both be happy with.”

Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.

The way I was thinking and acting, you would think I was stuck. Even if our living situation becomes unbearable, there is always a way out. I will always have the choice to make change happen, if need be.

Help someone.

Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person. I decided to make a tray of food and donate it to the Salvation Army. It took my mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone else.

Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.

It’s easy to dwell on your mistakes. I felt terrible that I acted this way and that I wasted our weekend. The only thing I can do now is learn from my mistakes and move forward. I definitely don’t want to have a weekend like that again.

Sing.

I don’t remember lyrics very well and it’s probably the reason that I don’t enjoy singing, but every time I do sing I always feel better . When we sing, we show our feelings and this provides an amazing stress relief.

List four  things that you are grateful for right now.

Being grateful helps appreciate what you already have. Here’s my list: My cats, health, a six-week trip to Asia, a new yoga class that I’ll be teaching, and for my mom’s biopsy coming out clean.

Read positive quotes.

The impacts of lack of Sleep

Everyone knows that bad night sleep can easily affect the whole day ahead. Even a relatively small (2-3 hours) loss of sleep leads to the fall in mood and mental performance. Regular or frequent sleep disturbances can even have much more far-reaching consequences. It is already well established that chronic lack of sleep is associated with higher risk of serious illnesses such as cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and even cancer.
Unfortunately, a nurses.
very significant number of people have disturbed and fragmented sleep patterns. People who work irregular shifts, night shifts in particular, are especially vulnerable. In fact, most findings on the long-term negative consequences of sleep disturbance are based on shift workers such as
Several new studies give an additional insight on how modification of sleep affects our performance and changes our normal physiology.
A number of interesting investigations were recently performed on professional athletes. Elite competitive athletes often travel across time zones for national and international competitions. This results in sleep disturbance and affects normal circadian rhythms of sleeping and waking. Although the effect of such disturbances on athletic performance might be small, these changes can mean the difference between losing and winning in competitive sport. Scientists checked if these negative effects could be compensated for by extending the duration of sleep or simply by providing an additional short daytime nap.
In one study, scientists recruited several basketball players and extended the duration of their nocturnal sleep by approximately two hours over a period of 5-7 weeks. Instead of their habitual 6 to 9 hours, the athletes were sleeping for at least 10 hours every night. Researchers compared the athletic performance, as well as indicators of reaction time, mood and sleepiness before and after this intervention. It turned out that after several weeks of regular extended sleep all sportsmen demonstrated faster sprinting time, better shooting accuracy, decreased reaction time, better mood scores and significant improvements in vigor and fatigue. Performance parameters are, essentially, the indicators of neuromotor functions. Their improvements reflect higher level of brain activation.
Sleeping for 10 hours a day is a luxury most of us cannot afford. The results of another study which investigated the effects of short lunchtime naps after disturbed nocturnal sleep are therefore of greater interest for most people. In this experiment, the duration of night sleep of several young athletes was restricted by 4 hours. The next day, some of the athletes were allowed to have a short 30 minute nap in the afternoon, while the others stayed awake. Again, researchers used a battery of tests to measure the differences in performance between these two groups. Participants who had a nap demonstrated increased alertness, lower heart rate, better reaction time, better short memory and better sprinting time compared to those who did not sleep in the afternoon. The findings clearly demonstrate that if you had a difficult night, having a short afternoon nap may help you to go through your daily work more efficiently.
Compensation of the lack of nocturnal sleep by sleeping during the day cannot, however, fully eliminate the negative consequences of sleep deprivation. This is particularly true when the deprivation is chronic, as for shift workers. Even when a sufficient amount of total sleep time is achieved by sleeping more during the day, the disturbance to circadian rhythm creates havoc in the body. This so-called circadian misalignment leads to the increase in inflammatory markers, rise in insulin resistance (a risk factor for diabetes) and elevated levels of high sensitivity C-Reactive Protein (a marker of cardiovascular risk) in the body. Some of these indicators are almost twice as high as those in people without circadian misalignment. The effects are particularly strong in males. This shows that shifting the sleep time to the day is hardly a good solution to the problem. Serious negative consequences of such practice can be felt over long time.
Of particular interest is a recent study on the effect of chronic sleep deprivation on the brain. In experiments on mice, scientists imitated, over a long period of time, a wake-sleep pattern typical for a shift worker. Results were quite stunning: prolonged and regular sleep deprivation killed up to 25% of certain brain cells! Obviously, these results cannot be directly translated to humans. Nonetheless, the fact that chronic sleep loss damage brain cannot be denied anymore.
Research into human sleep revealed that at night our brain produces certain chemicals that help to protect the nervous cells from damage. Scientists hope that these compounds may be used to develop new drugs which would shield people from negative effects of sleep deprivation. In the meantime, sleeping well at night is the best we can do to protect both our body and brain.
Source brainblogger.com

To get what you want, give people what they want!

 “If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.” ~Lyndon Johnson 
In order to get what we want from others, it is important that we give others what they want, not what we think they need, and not what we want to give. A farmer owns a dog and a cow. If he feeds grass to the dog and dog-food to the cow, both animals will be unhappy and hungry, despite the effort put forth by the farmer.  Although this may sound funny, simple, and obvious, this is exactly what we tend to do, as in various complex situations, we may not really know what they other person wants, and thus make wrong assumptions about it and put forth unwanted effort in the wrong place.
Practical examples of not giving people what they want:
Example 1)
There are two sets of emotional needs in romantic relationships:
Set 1:
Caring, Understanding, Respect, Devotion, Validation and Reassurance.
Set 2:
Trust, Acceptance, Appreciation, Admiration, Approval and Encouragement.
All of the above emotional needs are forms of love. Yet, just calling all of them love is oversimplification of our emotional needs. Although every one has the need for all these forms of love, research has shown that most women primarily need to receive the kinds of love listed under “Set 1” from their partners, before they can appreciate the kind of love under “Set 2”. In contrast to that, most men primarily need to receive the love under “Set 2” before they can appreciate the kind of love listed under “Set 1”. Unknowingly however, both men and women tend to give to their partners what they would personally need, instead of giving what their partners need. This is why many people think they are giving a lot to the relationship. Yet, both partners remain unfulfilled, as they are not giving what their partners want.
Example 2)
Say you are an employer and want to hire the brightest candidate for the job. You interview 30 candidates and then select the one candidate who met your criteria the best. Excited upon finding such a brilliant candidate, you offer him salary and benefits that are higher than you originally budgeted for. Yet, what the candidate really wants is not to work in the corporate world long term, but instead start his own business  soon. In spite of you giving your 100% as an employer, you cannot fulfill the candidates needs. No matter what you do from your end, since the other person is motivated by contrary desires, what you give is not of value to him. You would have been better of to offer the job to another candidate, who although may not be academically perfect as the first candidate, actually wants a long term career in the corporate world and not start his own business soon.
Example 3)
You are hired as a software tester. Instead of working as a tester, you put rigorous effort as a software programmer, as you are not really interested in testing. Indeed, you may be working very hard, but not towards the reason you were hired, and thus your employer is not likely to be satisfied.
Example 4)
You prepare a beautiful three course non-vegetarian meal, putting lot of effort. It is the most wonderful tasting meal. Only problem – the guests that came to dinner are all vegetarians. Despite all your effort,  the guests could not appreciate the value of the work you put into making the delicious meal.
Thus, in order to get what you want, it is very important to know what the other person needs, and give that. A person gets fulfilled only upon getting what he wants, and not upon receiving something else. Only in fulfilling other’s needs is it likely that they will work towards fulfilling our needs. It is important to realize that in some cases, the other person may not really want anything that we have to offer, or we may not want to give what they need. In this case, it is better to find other people who will be very fulfilled by what we have to offer, so that they in turn can fulfill us.
Soucre:joannewellington.wordpress.com